Don't Push It

I have an acquaintance, D, who makes a living selling exotic (illegal) animals.
He has taken to calling me frequently, expecting me to be interested in whatever overpriced "stock" he has in hand.
Today he called in the afternoon and chatted with me. Was rather surprised. It was very out of the blue. Furthermore, he's more of my dude's friend rather than mine.
In the evening he called me again. This time round, he urgently informed me that he had a kangeroo on hand. So as a courteous gesture, i told him that i would ask my friends whether they were interested.
In the next half an hour, he called me numerous times, call shortly after another call.
I did have a friend, Ed, who was interested but found the price over his budget.
With this, D bombaded me with even more calls.
D revealed that the AVA was checking up on him because some big mouth had spilled the beans on him and he needed to get rid of the kangeroo desperately.

Im irritated by the calls.
He's irritating me by calling and calling non- stop.
And the details he reveals about the kangeroo are rather ambiguous.
I asked whether it was a wallaby and he said no. Its a type of dwarf kangeroo.
I've been to Australia for god knows how many times and i've never seen a dwarf kangeroo before. Don't like it that he cant tell me the scientific name.
And he considers 2 yrs old to be a baby. Bullshit.
My friend is very interested though. Hope he doesnt buy it.
(But if he gets it i'll still hop over for a look cos it sounds cute)
D is a pushy man and Ed is a very nice man.
So im afraid Ed would get cheated or something.
Because then, it'll be my fault and i'd feel so damn bad.

Small world though, I've been to D's supplier shop in KL before with Ed and company.
Of cos, D claims only he can get such a good price from the supplier.
BULL.
WAT A LOAD OF BULL.

It All Boils Down to Fate

I have a 28 yr-old friend, XL, whose growing-up cycle seems to be reversed.
He picked up smoking only at 27.
Tries to look cool as he huffs and puffs, trembling fingers ( Parkinson disease ? ) holding the cigarette in a cinematic pose.
His kinda-old car is fitted with flashing blue neon lights and rows of meters which serve no useful purpose.
It is funny because these are things we try and do at age 15.
Except for his ego, he's a really nice person though.

He looks below average but somehow managed to get a pretty gf.
Recently, he announced that a girl is chasing him and he showed us her picture.
She looks like one of those babes whom people download from the internet...
So yes, we are all flabbergasted...
They are dating now = He is two-timing

My brudder G sadly explains that its fate lah.

Yin Yang Forces

2 years back, me and the rest of the girls gave F possibly the most unforgettable birthday gift of his life.

We brought him to Changi Village after a nice dinner at Lemongrass and decided to buy him " an experience with a transvestite".
After begging him and whining for 3 hours, he finally agreed.

Watched the She-Man(s) strut their stuff and I chose one whom I thought was pretty and went up to her.
Frankly, I didn't know what services she provided. So I just asked her " how much?"
She informed me :" 30 for blow" (so thats what they do!) at the same time glaring at me.
She was rather fierce to me. She probably thought i was out to make fun of her.
When she realised I was serious, that she was the birthday gift, she was rather sweet.
In fact, after they drove off, she even asked F to tell us girls not to hang around there as it was dangerous. Maybe because we look androgynous?

Bee Bee interrogated F about the entire process when they came back.
In fact, the way she asks questions, she should join the CID.
There was also a lingering strawberry smell in the car.

Its hard to forget this incident, mainly because she-man and F, SHARE THE SAME NAME!
Whenever I look at him or say his name... memories come flooding back.
We are bad bad friends.

Tis the Festive Season

Counted down to Christmas at the KTV with the neighbourhood gang.
I don't know why all of us were so dressed up.
We were only going to this community centre nearby.
It was fun though!
Have always enjoyed their no-stress company..
Had volka added to our respective bubble teas, strawberry, coffee, mango, watermelon etc..
Glad i ordered Lychee.. it could have been worse.
Moved on to the coke and sprite asap..
I think i will mix the drinks next time round. M sucks at it.
Maybe thats why i got drunk?? :)

Been eating a lot. Somehow, there is food everywhere! In the office, at the ktv, at the fishing pond, in my home...
And there's a BBQ tonight...
IM GONNA BE SO SO FAT

Too Shy

He was at the party today but i was too shy to even look at him.
Drats.

Drink Drank Drunk

MERRRRRRY XMASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is puking
He has fainted
Its only 2pm
Its parttttttttttty time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Year End Rush

For the first time in two years, i met someone attractive in the office yesterday!
He was humourous cute. Not that good-looking, but a funny chap.
Happy to announce that yours truly was composed and witty.
There are many flashy young guys in the office but have never been attracted to them sadly.
HE will be at the party tomorrow! Hooray!!

Quite a few of my colleagues are really stressed out. The hair-pulling, temper-flaring kind of stress.
I feel bad coming into the office after a good workout at the gym, happily enjoying my lunch, chatting on msn, watching the world go by..
I AM a lazy pig.

I Am Shock-Proof

K is supposed to get married next year.
She's still getting married but to a different groom.
And i only didnt see her for a month.

I dont think i can ever get married.
Can i be with someone for a lifetime?
So far, the people around me have shown me that nothing lasts forever.
The Institution of Marriage is one scary idea.

Recently, I've morphed into the lying girlfriend.
Dont see the point in being so good to my lying boyfriend.
I hate playing this role.

Shit Magnet

The Shit just keeps on coming.

Somehow, i think he has changed.
Am wasting my time on him.
But nobody likes to face reality.

Physical Training

Today at Fitness First,I went for the Precision Cycling Class.
Going in on the dot, the stationary bicycles in the class were almost taken up by ladies clothed in hip sporting wear, looking fit and beautiful (from the back). I was dressed in simple and dowdy t-shirt and shorts. Very unprofessional looking.
Chose one behind and climbed onto it (cos it was so bloody high).
Instructor fit-gay-man informed me over his microphone that I had to adjust the seat and I needed water for this class. I started to get nervous because however I tried, I could not adjust the bicycle to hip-level. And it was starting to look dismantled. Over an Arabic- gypsy tune, he came over and instructed me how to adjust it. Frankly, I didn't know what the hell he was saying but I gamely told him terminator style:" I'd be back!" and ran off to fetch my water.
Back in the room, the class had started and I continued to fiddle with the fucking bike. Face feeling more hot every second, he finally came over and adjusted it for me. Thank god!

After 3 minutes of cycling, I regretted BIG BIG time coming for this class.
Because after 3 minutes of cycling, I had fulfilled my exercise quota for the day.
Because after 3 minutes of cycling, I was ready to leave the class and chill in my steambath.
I knew I was screwed this time..there was no way I could leave the class after 3 minutes!!
THE SHAME!!!!!!!

Perspiring profusely (the wet and drippy kind), I carried on and with unbelievable willpower, I managed to preserve to the first break. WHOO HOOO!!! I AM THE SUPER ATHLETE!
The rest of the routine was challenging and very very intensive (worse than Body Combat class) but it felt good to be able to complete it.
As an indicator of how challenging it was, the girl behind me was screaming in exhaustion. I kinda admire her for not giving up.. because she's rather fat.

I don't mind going for cycling classes again because it provides very good cardio exercise.
Will first check whether I will end up with big thighs and weak knees though.
I am very tired now.

A Nice Day

Hung out with the gang today. It was nice.. haven't really been spending time with them.

Princess XF was in touchy mood today so being very sensitive friends, we gave in to her every request and showered loads of TLC on her.
She had quarreled with her parents but by nightfall things were alright. She ended up $1000 richer and we ended up with a treat by her at my favourite Sushi Tei.

While we were cruising in AS's Mazda 6, a mobile signboard, fueled by some magic wind, suddenly moved from the pavement towards the road in our direction. AS brilliantly honked at it repeatedly. Maybe he thought that the signboard would stop and wave a hand in apology.

At the KTV in Serangoon Gardens, in the middle of a song, the words "car attendant here" suddenly flashed in red warning letters. I must say that the service at is very good here at K Garden. They saved us $30 in carpark summons. YX and I put on a great performance at the KTV dancing and prancing around showing off our gym class moves. We ROCK!

At night, we sat by the Singapore River chatting and analyzing our love life. No conclusion.

Stupid YX left her undergarments and swimsuit in the car. Since I see her the most often at the gym, I was tasked to bring the stuff home. Shit.. I think I must wash her panties for her.

Maxed Out

My stamina isn't like before.
I used to be wonderwoman..
Now...punctured-woman.

Jogged, rowed, crunched at the gym..
Today's Body Combat class was very, very, very, intensive man. Loads of fast-paced action.
I was very, very, very, tired.
Instructor was one of those muscleman. He's not bad! Dynamic i would say. Along with the punches we threw and kicks aimed high, he'd make corresponding noises eg. POOF! BISH!
I think he must spin music part-time.
The nice thing about the instructors here is that they are very encouraging.
So i dont feel condemmed everytime i goof up or dont geddit.
Sadly, my body combat moves aren't very sharp and impressive. Very geeky. I probaby get attacked by my dog if i tried it on her. :(
Nevermind..first lesson only. Practise at home so that for my next try i'll be more pro.

I like the steambath there.
Skin (face only) very smooth now.

A sounds interested in joining!
Will try to trick her in... more khakis to work out with mah.
Their brochure says that if you have a companion to work out with, you gain double the workout effect.
So if i have a total of three or maybe 4, you do the math.

eee.. Loony's friend the back-stabber goes to Fitness First too.
And she lost 15 Kg in 3 weeks.
She bluff you all one lah... go Thailand plastic plastic more likely.
Either that or she simply (sold) removed her womb, kidney, baby....
Membership at Fitness First not cheap mah.

Shameful Day

Yesterday, i went for my first gym session at Fitness First .
Tried this class called Body Balance. Found out i could not balance very well. So ashamed.
The instructor was a really cool lady and there was really cool music!
This class is a mixture of tai chi, zen and other body toning exercises. I like!

The monkey made me give him names and contact numbers of 10 people whom i thought could benefit from Fitness First as well.
So my dear friends, i did some of you wrong. So ashamed.
Gave him numbers of uncontactable stewardess, people who think that all gyms want to cheat their money etc...
He's so sickening! Really!
I asked him what he's gona say.
Monkey:" I'll just tell them you think they need to lose weight."
Me:" WHAT?!!! YOU CANT TELL THEM THAT!!! Girls are very sensitive leh."
Shit im gona lose 10 friends.

Made a bet with Beebee.
If i lose more than 6 kg within 2 months, she'll get me earphones.
If i lose the bet, she gets 10 vibrating condoms.
DEAL.

Those Were The Days

The car ride was quiet.
He, driving.
Me, picking at the dry skin on my sunburnt face.
I couldnt think of anything to say to him.
Was it because i was tired?
Or have we changed?

In the past, we headed up to JB very often. Just the two of us.
Occasionally, the gang would join us.
I had a lot of fun on these trips.
For hours, we would talk about life, about the people around us, loads of rubbish, wrestle while he was driving, laugh at other people..
Passed the customs, back in singapore, he would ask:" Where to now?"
And depending on my mood, we'd circle around the Yin Yang streetwalkers in Geylang, Changi or Desker Road, squirming and screaming in horror at the monstrous ones.

Once, we were chatting at a isolated stretch in changi (overlooking the airport runway), when a military vehicle came to chase away everybody (because it was a protected area).
Of all people, the "soldier" in the vehicle was my buddy F.
I was uneasy because HIS seat was in the reclined position.
I wonder what it looked like to F who loved catching people in the act during his patrols.
I was just rubbing out the bruise on his arm you know. Really.

I miss those times.
I miss you, my friend.

Out! You Wretched Tummy!

Checked out Fitness First today.
I liked it. A lot.

Consultant had chest hair up to his neck.
He quoted me a higher rate than what i heard from YX.
He happily pressed into his calculator. And pressed... and pressed.
So i said i'll come back tomorrow. Not enough cash.
YX went with a regular in the evening, and we think he was forced to cut the price.
So now,
1st month = $237
2nd month onwards = $138
Had a chat with her just now and we agreed there were many mysterious and unknown costs.
Im starting to get what BeeBee meant when she said:" All gyms just want to cheat your money."
So, i will be the one to force him to break it down tomorrow.
Because as accountants, there has to be some form of corporate governance.

Monkey: " How often are u going to come?"
Me: " I'll try to come daily"
Fuck..for the money i pay, im gona come twice a day asshole.

Monkey: " Why do you want to lose weight?"
Really, that's one of the stupidest questions anybody has asked me.
And i cant stand stupid people.

Silly people aside, place was really classy and comfortable.
Plus a very very small crowd.
Monkey: " Because its controlled."
Means what? If there are more than 10 people and i come, i cannot work out ah?

But of cos, i was very cordial the whole time because i didnt wanna make enemies even before i join see.
I just ooh-ed and ahhh-ed when he expected me to.

Got tricked into going down to Amore Fitness during a call to check their prices.
The consultant was very nice. Had the human touch, wasn't just a salesman.
Prices were cheaper though facilities were more lacking.
Too bad YX had signed up with Fitness First already.
So, its decided.
We're gona work out there..

Them Clients.BWAH!

I get very irritated with clients who stay near me (or him) and who make me meet them far away.
Its stupid that you stay in my block and make me meet you across the island.
Its stupid that you stay next to him and make me meet you in town to sign a piece of paper.
(I see you've lost your boobs, along with your fats)
Its stupid. Its ridiculous. Its fuckin' bullshit.
Hrmp!

Christmas is coming.
Wonder if my recipients would know if i sent them the same design?
A lot of leftovers from last year.
I have 150 cards to write.
BeeBee:" Wow thats a lot! Let me know if i can help out. I just bought a new pen!"
My very good friend is sweet like that.
I hope she bought a magic pen.

A Little Adventure

I met Ah Yen during my getaway trip in Feb 2005.
He is THE fishing enthusiast, a very hard-core one as i soon found out.
He goes fishing in the early morning, afternoon and evening.
He is black in colour.

Yen:"Tmr I bring you to this spot."
Me:"Sure!"
Yen:"Have to wake up very early ok."
Me:"No problemo! Come and wake me up!"
Yen:"Ok."

At 6am the following morning, he banged on my door like there was no tomorrow.
Really, the noise he made could have awaken the dead. He's sweet like that.

With the refreshing cool morning draft blowing at my face, 4 of us "brooom brooom" to 4 towns away.
Soon, we turned into a small road with many run-down shacks, fenced by the tall and graceful coconut trees.
The small road became a dirt road and all of a sudden, we were in a corn field.
Surrounded by grass taller than us, the motorcycles started to have some difficulty navigating the undulating terrain.
My biker dude ungraciously told me to get down and walk, his bike was having some problems.
The very kind butch told me to hop on hers and i gladly grabbed her thick waist and held on as we started to go uphill and downhill, from cornfield to shrubs.
Suddenly, like magic, the sea was conjured up in front of us!

See the slope the bikes had to conquer before we were by the seaside.

Climbing up and down boulders scarred by erosion, we found a nice spot to fish.
The fishes we landed here were big by standards and so were the waves.
After many hours, the tide started to come in and it was home sweet home, mahjong time.
End of adventure.

The next time Ah Yen wants to bring me to a new SPOT, i will make sure i ask for all the details before i go.
Because to get to another spot he had (tricked)brought us to, i had to trudge through bushes.
And i DO NOT like bush-bashing and all the insects that come along with it.

This seaside trip was acceptable lah. Because i just had to enjoy the ride and do the princess act.
Stupid shrubs scratched my legs though. Hrmp!

Everybody got scolded upon reaching home.
"Its very dangerous there you know!"
A little true, i did see men in military get-up occasionally.
And you know how they like to rape girls.

The Anonymous Passerby

The Anonymous Passerby,what a romantic idea.
Quidam :"a nameless passer-by, a solitary figure lingering on a street corner, a person rushing past. It could be anyone, anybody. Someone coming, going, living in our anonymous society."
It was a beautiful show and im glad i caught it when it came to town. I didn't quite get some parts though.. but still, i enjoyed the acts.
The Girl sang in a voice so sweet, so very haunting..
The colours, the costumes, the atmosphere, were so rich that you were immersed in them..
It was a class act and after their performance, I thought of how i could run away and join their circus but damn, i couldn't think of how i could be of any use.
Out of the three shows (Saltimbanco, Alegria, Quidam) i've caught by Cirque du Soleil, Quidam is the darkest but by my own definition, the most romantic.
And thus, that is why, I want to be the Anonymous Passerby..

Very Fishy Business

Just home from fishing!
Caught a 5.1Kg grouper and a 3kg seabass..
Yipee!
They are posing with a size 8 slipper!